Revising

Editing: 

1. A goldfinch darted over the sunflowers, its mate followed closely.

2. Flying through the tall grass and disappearing out of sight behind the corn.

3. The corn rustled and then was quiet I wondered what had just invisibly passed so close to me.

Revising:  We look at Bedford pages 467-476.  Make a list of three weaknesses you will be looking for/working on.  Things to highlight:  all commas, "There is, there are,"  "it is."  Do you use "and" a lot? Are apostrophes on your list of weaknesses?  Very? Highlight all of them and come up with alternatives.

Homework:

1. Continue to revise this paper.

Draft #2

Drafts

When you are done, read in Bedford pages 89-91. 

Coordination and Subordination

1. His attitude of fatigue vanished and was replaced by a look of bewilderment.


2. It was true that I wanted to be inconspicuous but I felt uncomfortable at being so totally ignored.


3. Although once as numerous as the plains buffalo caribou had shown a catastrophic decrease.


4. They were so interested that they swam in for a closer view of this apparition on the shore.

See Section 24 in Everyday Writer. Do Exercise 24.1 page 27 in the Everyday Writer Exercise book.

We discuss revising your drafts.

Homework:

1.  Create and print Draft #2 of your observation essay.  Run spell check and grammar check on this draft. Look at the grading grid on the back of the blue writer's page for ideas about improvement.